it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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