Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
