you traded sex for a burrito?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
