How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
