I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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