apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
