got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize