I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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