Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish I only lived at night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize