I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
