I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
