BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
