someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
