I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize