i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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