I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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