Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
