She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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