new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
