i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
