So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
