she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
