This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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