I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
