forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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