I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
