Define "chronic" masturbator.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
