sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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