The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
