You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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