Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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