Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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