Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
