Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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