Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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