Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
