i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
