Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
