Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
