So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
