Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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