yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
