and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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