and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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