my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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