Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
