at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
