Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
