I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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