Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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