Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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