tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
