lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
