Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
