yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
