sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
