You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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