After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize