so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
