I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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