so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
