I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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