So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
