no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
