so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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