great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
